Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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