it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize