I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
