i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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