dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
