Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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