There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
