I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
