you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
