I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
