apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
