Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
