Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
