Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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