how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
