i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
