He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
