So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
