As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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