HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
