pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have aggressive nipples.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
