He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
