I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
