so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
