This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
we made out on top of his cat.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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