It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
