It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
