remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
