i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
