they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
