my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize