i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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