well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he quoted the bible to break up with me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
