I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
