I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
