My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
