i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
