i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
