He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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