So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
a search helicopter?!
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
