There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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