everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
