There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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