Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
