it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
