let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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