he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
