Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
