why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
