Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
