I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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