I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
