I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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