just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
