I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
