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recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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