Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
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I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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