winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
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Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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