did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I want to have your abortion
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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