I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize