it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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