I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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