Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
